tell you when to go, i won't

Shame, Who Wouldn't Think It's...

when transient of mind
you have nothing to play sentinel to
emotional output
corresponding with
thoughts as catalyst

these daydreams
when reality falls into a
disheartening, disenfranchised grey...
is it all that you wanted?
it's all you will have left

a nagging doubt
incumbent on my better judgement
too much time passes, leaving possibilities shattered
with their pieces, imitating those of a puzzle
strewn about my peripheral

i walk on

Sun Opens My Eyes - Wavves

I doubt anyone who reads this would be surprised when hearing me talk about how surprised and flustered I am with how much homework I have, what with only three classes. This is the old becoming new for me, and the falling back into it has been difficult. If nothing else, it has proven to be a reinforcement of the notion I have that I am not academically inclined. At least not now, within my current social environment. I am not well trained in the art of balancing work, school, and play. My mind is always want of wandering, and I allow it free reign because it makes me happy, the day-to-day easier to cope with.

My inconsistency with devotion to concentration is the very antithesis of what school requires. I'm not smart that way, never was. There is a certain knack many seem to have in accommodating the system. I am not one of them, and I am alright with that. I have always been alright with that, but I am often taken best of on account of a weak will. As consequence, I let the ideas of other people regarding what is the right and best way to go about something become mine. I undermine my own intuition for the sake of evading quarrel and opposition. To hate confrontation so much that you sacrifice your backbone? This story find it's ready protagonist in yours truly, and it's an awful sad fact.
I would like to think that my ineptitude in that area suggests strengths in others. Of course, here I am fighting a losing battle trying to engage myself in something I don't care about instead of trying to hone in on those areas of potential. This avenue is not suited for me, and it is high time I started searching out the one that is.

Les Preludes - Franz Liszt, Po...